Take Off That Christmas Jumper, It's Not Ironic You Just Look A Twat!
The 1950s, not even cool back then!
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It's crazy season again, when pubs and clubs will be filled with Christmas revellers, many of who will think it's hysterically funny to sport a gaudy Christmas jumper. In a sad and pathetic attempt to scream out to anyone whom has the great misfortune to be stuck in a drinking establishment with them, that they are fun loving and self-referential. That they are only wearing the stupid jumper because it's ironic you hear them bleat. That their individuality hasn't disappeared up their own arse to hibernate around the Christmas season in abject embarrassment. Oh no! By wearing such a loud piece of knitwear they aren't trying to encourage everyone to stop them and comment on it. Never would such an thought cross their tiny little narcissistic minds. It's just for fun, they say. They aren't sheeple falling into the idiotic consumerist trap that has developed over the last few years. Oh no! Not them! Never! You do realise they only wear them because it's ironic, we again hear from supporters in the media. And that is the worst claim of all. The claim of 'irony' for wearing such a ridiculous article, not only is offensive to the intelligence of the people that spout such utter nonsense, but a misuse of the English language and ultimately shows in big flashing neon louder than their stupid jumpers that they are simply twats.
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I thought I'd escape the trend, that first raised its head among the 'hipsters' as I was living overseas. I was aware that the bizarre fashion choice had existed in the United States and Canada for some years, but I always thought that the Brits would never be infected with the disease of BSE (Bad Sartorial Extroversion). I knew that roaming bands of bearded and bespectacled hipsters in ball-crushing skinny jeans had been spotted in places like London sporting vintage jumpers that their parents wore with shame as young people, another unwanted present from granny. I hoped that it would stay there on the fringes of hip fashion. What a naive fool I was. Soon the fashion houses grabbed up the baton, in an attempt to replicate what they believed to be uber cool street fashion. Desperate pop and movie stars not wanting to be seen as lagging as cutting edge fashionistas happily donned jumpers with Alpine skiers and snowflakes, as they strode the red carpets of seasonal events. Soon the high-street chains were having these things churned out by the millions in Asian sweatshops by workers who'd never see a reindeer. Snapped up by gullible fools, who'd been told that it was irreverent and ironic (yes that word again) to wear them.
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Give jumpers to charity in the hope someone less fortunate may make use of them. Never expected a fashion victim would snap them up at a Vintage Fair for an over-inflated price!
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Snapped up by people who have no idea what the word 'ironic' even means. For something to be 'ironic', it must have an element of 'irony'. I know that seems obvious, but you really have to spell things out to people sometimes. It must be in some way contrary to what is expected, which is a major failing in this whole debacle. Externalising your twatishness (yes I know I made that word up, but it works), by wearing a loud Christmas jumper isn't in anyway contrary to what we expect of these idiots. Just that I'd rather they didn't run around at Christmas time with jumpers that scream "I am a twat", as we already knew they were. A twat is relatively easy to spot without the additional label of a moronic Christmas jumper. I guess though at the end of the day there is an element of situational irony involved in all this. As there often is a considerable discrepancy between the expected reaction these annoyingly full of themselves fools think they will get from wearing these jumpers and the actually reality of the situation. They think they are being cool, hip and and ironic. When in reality they are just twats!
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Weird Toys Not To Be Found Under The Tree This Christmas - Before parents wrapped kids in cotton wool, and heeded recall warnings about dangerous toys. Things were much more fun!
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The Dark Side Of European Christmas Traditions - Across Europe there are many dark and creepy figures associated with Christmas, whose folklore origins stem from pagan winter celebrations.
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